The Rendezvous beyond Human Understanding

She anticipated another yet rendezvous that would surely awaken that seemingly enduring consciousness; as if it was not clear enough that her entirety yearned for such an event for a couple of days and counting. Since the moment they kissed goodbye, she wished for some blinding flash of miracle to let her freeze time and spend it like every minute was the last. Instead, the moment ended in dire tragedy as she got out of his car and into the reality that her fairytale story for the night was over. 

Over thinking, wishful thinking, and contemplating - there she went on about how such a prince who came knocking down her castle not long ago was able to sweep her off her feet in a deafening way; even her precious mind was questioned on its ability to comprehend. 

Another sunrise and she knew from the depths of her being that it was going to be her day; a different kind of morning as she hesitantly prepared for what has yet to come - uncertainty and eagerness to get through the day and into the arms of that prince who, with unguarded approach held her helpless existence into his grasp. 

She gazed into the contour of his face under the moonlight that seemed to glisten in time for that moment. They were on a bridge that showed the endless possibilities that brought the two of them together. His eyes were mesmerizing as she knew about his worries and dreams - it was like of a boy's eager to go through the world with so much ecstatic desire. His nose had the nice pointy touch that made his cheeks look so cheerful and firm; and those lips - ah! the lips of an angel, the one she has always thought of since the minute she first saw him. 

Oh lady, what has this stranger done to deserve such? - a question neither of them could justify. There was a moment of silence and she could feel the reciprocation from his gentle touch; the way this prince held her was unlike any other in a way that her soul was longing to have more than what already is.  He laughed like a boy and yet he talked like a true spoken man. He poised himself like a victor walking out of a battle he had just won.

She could not take it anymore - she had to understand more. A moment of truth and honesty came rushing in from the sweet prince's soft spoken voice as his enticing lips told her everything she needed to know. She was baffled and yet those were the most beautiful barrage of words she has ever encountered.

What he was - she may never apprehend fully but she knew it was then she had to stay for more. 

The Agenda Underneath These Smiles

They said we should all live a life that we'll never regret.

We eat, we drink, we party and go crazy over the seemingly golden pleasures in life;

but as you look deeper into each person's soul, 

a realization shall disturb your utmost being -

one that can change your perspective of the world forever.

The Horrific Truth for the Ages

I'll always be the ultimate bitch in your eyes and

you'll always be my biggest disappointment. 

Summer in 2010

Its almost summer time and I could not help but notice how much busy I have been these days - that at some point, I might just be as busy during the summer this year. This video has always served as an inspiration to me whenever I'd feel as if I am about to explode out of the extreme stress and aggravation in all the things I have to do. Whatever frustration I may have had, it always got me by just knowing that no effort ever goes unrewarded. I got this chance to travel Palawan with my closest college friends because my parents strongly believed that I deserve this big break. They made sure I grow up valuing the importance of effort and the rewards I get out of them.

I got to tour Palwan in the Philippines. My friends and I enjoyed going to so many places, meeting new people, and actually just going crazy in all the beaches and islands we went to. We went to Puerto Princesa, El Nido, Minilog Island, Lagen Island, Pangalusian Island, Vigan Island, Matinloc Island, Underground River, and Dos Palmas Island Resort. We ate great food, slept under the coziest beds, and got to experience a lot of firsts. Most of all, I got to be closer to the college friends I never thought would be as dear to me now.

I have always dreamed of travelling the world. Growing up, I saw myself touring the whole of Europe, South America, and then all the other countries in the world. Given the chance to choose how to live my life, I'd have to pick having to travel the world and see different sites while I meet new people and just party with them. 

I do the things I do at the moment because I want to make it big. I want to make it big enough that I would be able to reach the goals that I have set out for my life as quickly as I can. Time is of valuable essence that I would stick up to working and achieving so that I would be able to retire quickly and enjoy the fruits of my labor. 

At the end of the day, its all that we have accomplished and experienced that matters. 

I Write My Heart Out

Its been quite a while since I wrote in this blog of mine. Things just got too busy that I forgot about the existence of that one thing that helped me drag myself out of the pit hole and into this world I am blissfully living at the moment. 

After a long time of groveling and introspecting about things, I just was not able to put in here my thoughts that I feel obligated to write an apology to you, whoever you are who cares so much about this lady's wicked and cryptic apprehensions.

In the midst of it all, I have come to the conclusion that my life is not at all another teenage life. I choose to be different every single day - from the clothes that I wear, from the things I do on most days, and the way I make my decisions. I am not like one of those bloggers who rant so much about the things that happen in my life; more of like I am bewildered with so many thoughts that come into this puny brain of mine - I like to think, I like to question things of the unknown. I find peace in trying to search for something that not a lot of people try so much to grasp. 

Something in me, I know, is very different from the rest of humanity and so I began the seemingly futile and yet exhilarating adventure - I don't know in which position I am or how far I still have yet to conquer but what I know is I do something about it, taking one post and one step at a time, not caring about what other people has to say - this is me.

I will write my heart out. I will find myself soon and when I do, it will all be worth it. 

The Eyes of the Innocent

As we grow up, the ultimate fact is that things get complicated. What is it with the aimless search for peace when all we ever do is make our very existence as troublesome as we could? 

I could still remember the days when one small lollipop could heal any kind of pain. There was not a single thing to worry about.

Innocence, what is it really? Is it our lack of knowledge about things or is it a deeper kind of ignorance? Is it our lack of direction that judges our kind of innocence? 

A Deeper Understanding

April 3, 2010
8:40 pm
San Juan, Siquijor

    It’s the time of the year again. That one time of the year that we get to actually go out as one complete family; obviously, events like these come rarely. The usual summer vacation plan would include booked plane tickets and road trips to nowhere but I guess this year would be different. We’re staying in a land my dad fell deeply in love with – a land long forgotten that’s full of precious memories he almost failed to remember.  Dad recently bought a vast area of land just up the mountain – it is something that lit up his spirit every time a thought of it comes up. I have not seen him so excited about something in such a long time. What might this land be? It is Siquijor. 

    We have been staying here for three days now and quite frankly, all I ever thought about was how hard it is to live a life in here. There’s barely any water, no reception, no internet, nowhere to buy midnight food (or good food at all), no transportation, no mattress that we could sleep in, no anything; thank heavens there’s electricity. The whole three days seemed to be more of a hassle than a real vacation; Dad just scolded me earlier today about how we don’t belong here – that we can’t adjust and live a life being poor; I felt a strong emotion of regret for bringing us along. 

    It is only tonight that I realized how much blessed I am to be able to experience all the things that I just did – or even the things that I am about to. Eight o`clock: there is no speck of light outside – the whole world just stopped. The whole world seems to be in a deep slumber when mom curiously peeked outside the house that we’re staying in. As she put one step outside the door, I saw her eyes lit up and her lips started to smile. She gazed in wonder as she saw the strong lights coming from the mountain from afar. Those lights were the only ones up there; our soon to be place of abode – our humble and cosy house. 

        My dad and I decided to go outside and walk on the very dark street to get a clearer view of what my mom just witnessed. To my surprise, I wasn’t paying attention to the lights at all – I saw the most beautiful sight I have ever seen in this lifetime: a sky bombarded with stars that seemed like different sizes of diamonds scattered and left there for the whole of humanity to see.  I never saw such wonder in my soon to be twenty years of life – not even way back when I lived in Cavite as a kid (I still remember that moment in my life when I went with my yaya to buy something at a sari sari store and as we walked back home, I was just gazing at the stars while I held her hand to guide me through).

       As I gazed up at the stars in bewilderment, it all sunk in to me – this place is beautiful in so many ways. I soon realized that the simplicity of life in here is way better than the hassle of living in the city when we are on a constant rush to get things done; we head out early, drive out only to experience long hours of being stuck in traffic, work our minds off trying to get work done, try to manage our personal lives, worry about what other people would think or say, all the other things that boggle our existence. I have one question to bring with you after read this: When was the last time you stopped and gazed outside just to see the sky? 

    There are so many things I have taken for granted in this trip. Not only the beauty of this majestic and mysterious island, but the love of a father and a mother who only want to bring pride and honour to the family name; parents that only desire a better future for their three children so that they would not experience the hardship they had to go through. I always remembered how dad would always tell my mom and I that he is doing everything not for himself, but for the whole family – he has only a few years left for his body to be able to climb up the steep mountain and it won’t matter until then; he just wants the family name to have something.
I never saw it that way – to me, this place would always be his legacy.

      As I indulge in a deep slumber, I’m thankful that I found a piece of myself in Siquijor. Indeed, this island does wonders – wonders of the heart and spirit that no other things could ever replace.  

The Awakened Consciousness

Our problems are man-made, therefore they may be solved by man. No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings.

                                                                                                                                  -John F. Kennedy 

I have been through so much to get to where I am now. Rehabilitation from losing one's self, I could say, is one of the hardest experiences people encounter in a lifetime - I have been there and I am pretty convinced that I would not ever let myself get into that kind of situation. The situation where I chose to gave all of myself away - trusted the very most thing that was meant to stay with me: my heart.

I thought I would not be able to rise above all the things that happened to me but here I am, soaring higher than ever after one year of trying to find myself. It was a long and painful journey but every minute was  absolutely worth it. 

Ironically, that year was the best thing that ever happened to me. I learned the value of all the things I missed; and when I did, I chose to run after them.Everything feels like I have given another chance to make things right, to never commit the same mistakes all over again, to give myself a higher value than what I used to perceive. 

If there's one valuable lesson I have gained through such an undermining experience, it would be that life is a choice of how you want to make it - it is a choice between living and dying, or even succeeding and failing.

I CHOOSE TO LIVE.

A Boundless Celebration

 

I have seen what its like to be in the darkest of places;

I rose above the shattered pieces of my heart. 

I choose to make it.

I choose to live.

Forbidden Mistletoe Kisses

Its the time of the year again - the one I earnestly wait for. The breeze that touches my skin is beginning to wrap every inch of it with a comforting chill, I gravely await for every day to turn into the darkest of night just so I could see such wonderful lights, I frantically rant about the impossibly hectic traffic for the reason that everybody else is busy shopping for their loved ones.

As I stare at the glittery golden Christmas tree under the spotlight, I gaze in wonder how such could symbolize peace and generosity - how a tree could look so elegant when we get past thousands of them in our everyday lives. The Christmas Jazz music that's way better than what everybody else listens to on ordinary days gets through to my soul which makes me forget about the earthly pains and worries I have been cautiously hiding. 

So much parties to attend to, so much shopping to do, so much going on and yet I love every minute of it. Makes me wonder how this feeling only lasts for just a month - I feel like I am in love with something of the unknown. There's something to it that I could just embrace forever. I feel family all around me, friends who really care, even strangers who seem to be a bit closer.

Yes, after a long time, I feel happy and at peace. 

Happy Holidays.