Its been a long while since I published an entry in here and I would have to admit that it is something that I missed a lot. Time has not been permitting me to write away my thoughts - release it into this lonely place of my obscure thoughts and condemnations. I used to have this place as my abode of lost things - things, who are precious to me may they come from my beaten up and bruised heart or the deepest corners of my profound mind.
As I recently looked back into what this blog of mine has become, a short moment of hysteria overcame the person that I am. 2009 was not exactly my year - I was not proud of it, not one bit. Yet, it was in that year that I chose to actualize my thoughts in secrecy through this diary. I was hoping that out of the billions of people on earth, even a couple of souls would want to take interest in such thoughts. Maybe not then, maybe not today, but maybe, when the time comes that I become somebody, someone will find this and actually address it as something of importance.
I have come a long way from being that wretched teen-age drama queen who thought was carrying the burden of the world. In 2009, Christine Angela Sevilla hated the world for letting her experience the biggest heart ache that she ever felt. Funny how at that time, I never looked at the world on a brighter note. It was all about how I was intentionally deceived by the devil through one person I learned to love the most (or so I thought). It was not easy. I felt as if every waking day was a punishment from the higher beings for all the wrongs that I have done in my life. As I worked my way through my issues, I got a little better once in a while.
2010 gave me new hope when things started to get better. I suddenly let go of the bitterness that wrapped the core of my existence as friends and family wrapped me with overwhelming love and support. They brought me to places, took care of me like I was a pristine piece of glass who was just remolded - hot and soft as it was, it needed to be nurtured and taken cared of until it cooled down. A year full of adventure. I was all over the place. I went to Punta Fuego with my high school "barkada", Cebu and Siquijor with my family, Puerto Princesa and El Nido (Palawan) with my college blockmates, and other random adventures here and there. I enjoyed life, I felt love, and eventually I got so much better.
As I write to you now, the Christine Angela Sevilla who is no longer a teenager but a twenty year old lady who has so many things to be thankful for and even more things to be apprehensive about. Looking back today gave me a glimpse of how my life has changed over the years and it makes me wonder what has yet to arrive. If I were to look back to this day five years from now, what would I see? The uncertainty baffles me but whatever it is, I could only hope for the best. For now, I am thankful for everything that has happened to me - the ups and the downs definitely made me a stronger person. I can't tell you I am ready for what is to come because I know, in its deepest sense, that we can never be sure what life is going to throw at us tomorrow.
Whatever it is, However things may be, I wish for the best.